Potholes in Tokyo II
by The Rabid Toenail
Summary: (Complete)Shounen-ai Yyxy, bxr, mxm, etc. Sequel to Potholes in Tokyo, obviously. The insanity continues, and this time, there's even a plot! Muhahah!
1. Chapter the First!

Potholes in Tokyo II  
  
AN: Hello to all you adoring fans out there! I have come to bring you... the sequel to Potholes! Yessh, yessh! And erm... due to the fact that I haven't gotten any suggestions for the title, I'm just calling it pit2... yeah. But I have the barest traces of a plot already, which is more than I can say for the first one! Tee-hee.  
  
So, a recap! Bakura and Ryou are getting hitched, Yuugi is falling in love with Yami (and vice versa), Anzu the fuzzy apricot is sexually harassing Uncle Ingrid, Jr., my one and only sexy pizza man (next to Rosco, of course), and... well, you should just go read it if you haven't yet. It's lovely, or so some people say. Others also ask whether I am drunk while writing such things. I DON'T DRINK! ALCOHOL IS BAD FOR THE BRAIN CELLS! IT KILLS US, PRECIOUSSSSSSSS!  
  
Ahem. In case you haven't noticed, insane is my normal frame of mind and this is shounen-ai. Which, of course, means boys loving other boys, but not having lemons with other boys. So, if the GBLT community disturbs you... go ahead and vote Bush. Loser.  
  
Without further ramblings from The Rabid Toenail-san... here ish chapter one!  
  
"Oh, hello, Seto-san," Ryou said happily, looking up from his computer as his boss exited the elevator, flanked by a happy Mokuba and an infuriated Noa.  
  
"Hello, Ryou," Seto greeted unenthusiastically (that's a word! *cheers*).  
  
"Hello Mokuba, Noa. I haven't seen you in such a loooong time, Noa! Why haven't you visited me sooner?"  
  
"Because you're a fruit," Noa muttered, glaring at a rubber palm tree in the corner of the room.  
  
Ryou gasped, clutching at his heart. "You hurt me, Noa... you malicious boy! Ah, the wanton cruelty of a child..."  
  
"You might want to watch what you say to Ryou. His fiancée is a mental case, and if you're not careful he'll stab you with a pineapple," Mokuba advised.  
  
"A pineapple?"  
  
"It would be a VERY SHARP pineapple."  
  
"Well, I must be getting to my office now; I have to make a presentation for the new prototype I've been working on. Mokuba, you and Noa can stay in here and keep Ryou company. Oh, and Ryou?"  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"I'm taking job applications for the old guy who just died...his mind escapes me at the moment, but if anyone comes up here, please send them to my office."  
  
"Yosh!" Ryou said happily, and began typing away at his computer.  
  
Seto walked into his office, shutting the door. Noa walked over to Ryou's desk, standing on tiptoe so that he could see over it (ha ha, I love making fun of him!). "I hate you."  
  
"That's not nice," Ryou told him, not looking up from his typing. "You should get some manners, little boy."  
  
"I'm not a little boy."  
  
"The other kids won't like you if you're mean to them."  
  
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE OTHER KIDS! I'M GOING TO DEFEAT SETO AND TAKE OVER KAIBACORP!" Noa declared, raising his fist into the air dramatically.  
  
Both Ryou and Mokuba rolled their eyes. "The day you take over Kaibacorp is the day Ryou goes straight. No offense, Ryou. You're a creepy gay man, but I still like you."  
  
"Yay!" Ryou yelled happily. "Does that mean you don't mind being my flower girl?"  
  
"Yes, I mind! I don't even want to be in the wedding, but you could let me be the ring bearer instead!"  
  
"Yuugi is going to be the ring bearer."  
  
"Why him? I'M MORE MANLY THAN HIM!" Mokuba yelled mightily, flexing his arms.  
  
Noa pointed and laughed him. "You're turning into a fruit too, Mokuba! I bet you're going to be a coconut!"  
  
"Is a coconut even a fruit...?" Mokuba asked, staring oddly at Noa.  
  
"How the freak should I know? I'm just following the bloody script!"  
  
Ryou promptly hit him over the head with a massive ballpoint pen. "A boy your age has no business using that kind of language! I'm going to tell Seto to wash your mouth out later!" Of course, Noa had no idea what Ryou was saying, because he was out cold. Apparently Ryou is good at hitting people with massive ballpoint pens...  
  
Suddenly, the elevator door opened, and out stepped a girl. Neither of the boys even noticed her, Mokuba enthralled by his Highlights magazine and Ryou typing happily away on something or other.  
  
"Umm...Do either of you know where Kaiba Seto's office is? I'm here to apply for the job... opening," she said, eyes suddenly catching sight of the mint-haired boy collapsed on the floor. "Ehhh..."  
  
"Why does everyone want to work for big brother, anyway?" Mokuba asked as he read a story about hamsters, gerbils, and other woodland creatures that were much better off in the woods than in cages in peoples' homes, surrounded by woodchips and plastic things!... I digress.  
  
"Kaiba-san's office is right this way, Miss...?"  
  
"Ryou!" She shrieked, hand clapping to her mouth.  
  
"Well, isn't that a coincidence. My name is Ryou as well," he said, flashing his brilliant, beautiful smile that reduced even the most resistant of foes to quaking puddles on the floor.  
  
"No, that's not what I mean... don't you remember me, Ryou? I went to high school with you..."  
  
"Oh, yeah... weren't you that girl who always tried to spy on me in the gym locker rooms?"  
  
A blush suffused her cheeks. "Well, yes, but... we've gotten past that, haven't we? I mean, I used to have the biggest crush on you. You were always so sweet and kind..."  
  
"That's our Ryou!" Mokuba said tonelessly.  
  
"Umm...right. Well, Miho, why don't you go see Kaiba-san now? He really needs that position filled; after all, the old guy died..."  
  
"Oh. Right. Well, I'll be seeing you sometime, ne?"  
  
"Err... maybe," Ryou said nervously, pushing her through the door to Kaiba's office. Ryou slammed the door shut, leaning heavily against it.  
  
Mokuba elegantly put his magazine down, looking at the white-haired boy strangely. "What was that all about?"  
  
"That girl used to stalk me! She once carved my name in a cucumber and threw it at me during history!"  
  
"Err...right. You know, Ryou, I think you need some time off; my brother's working you too hard..." Mokuba quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, turning red. "Ha ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA!"  
  
"Err... do I need to take you to see Dr. I-Get-Paid-Too-Much now?" Ryou asked, speaking of Mokuba's less than helpful psychologist.  
  
"No," Mokuba said, sniffing. "I'm quite all right... HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Ryou sweat-dropped. "You know what, I'm just going to leave you alone now. I don't know you and you don't know me, all right?"  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"  
  
*~*  
  
Malik was bored. B-O-R-E-D. (Hey, I can speel! Mwahahaha!). His semi- beloved, Marik, was off shooting a new episode of his children's show, Marik the Dinosaur, and nobody seemed to want to buy his ice cream anymore.  
  
While staring dumbly off into the distance, something caught his eyes. It was a black-haired man who seemed oddly familiar...  
  
"OTOGIIIIIIIIIIIII!"  
  
The man looked up, emerald green meeting deep violet. "Cooooome heeeeere, Otoooooogi!"  
  
Otogi rolled his eyes, but strolled over to Malik's ice cream stand anyway. "Hello, Malik."  
  
"How are you, old buddy, old pal?"  
  
"I'm fine... but are you? You used to hate me."  
  
"Oh, I thought we'd let bygones be bygones. I mean, we were both foolish teenagers back then anyway. Why don't we be friends?"  
  
"Jeez, I thought I was the only one taking mind-altering drugs... but apparently, you are too! Kukukukukukukukukukukukuku!"  
  
"So, do you want any ice cream? I have vanilla."  
  
Marik, who had been standing behind Malik, about to surprise him, gasped. "MALIK!"  
  
"Oh, hello, Marik. How was your shoot?"  
  
"H-How DARE you ask me that!? YOU WAITED UNTIL I WAS GONE, AND THEN TRIED TO SEDUCE THIS PUNK! WHAT DOES HE HAVE THAT I AIN'T GOT?!"  
  
"M-Marik? You don't understand! I went to high school with him, I was just offering him an ice cream cone..."  
  
"CONE! YOU WERE OFFERING HIM a CONE!? OR WERE YOU OFFERING...something else?" the man in the dinosaur suit asked, voice lowering dangerously.  
  
"Why do you have to be so jealously possessive?! YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT! I LOVE YOU AND NOBODY ELSE!... or at least... I did."  
  
Marik watched in shock as Malik ran away, tears streaming down his face. Marik glared at Otogi. "This is all your fault, Dice Boy."  
  
Otogi rolled his eyes as the dinosaur-man ran off clumsily in search of Malik.  
  
"Now, to find Honda... and some chiiiiiiips..." There was a crazed look in Otogi's eyes. "Muhahaha, my PRECIOUSSSSSSS!"  
  
*~*  
  
"Hey, Yamiiiiiiiii..."  
  
"What is it, Yuugi?"  
  
"Did you hear about that new movie that's coming out... you know, that slasher movie? Can we go see it?" Yuugi asked, innocent violet eyes shining up at Yami.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Slasher movies are too violent... and they're stupid. All that happens is some teenagers have sex and then they get killed by a psycho and then the psycho kills everybody else..."  
  
"Then how about the new Marik the Dinosaur movie? You know, Tortilla Chip Man Meets the Evil Furbies?"  
  
"I don't see why not..."  
  
"Yay!" Yuugi cheered, glomping Yami and ending up in his lap. "Can we order a pizza, Yami?"  
  
"Sure..." Yami muttered, eyes fluttering.  
  
"Can we buy a Tahoe, Yami?"  
  
"Sure..." Yami's head dropped onto his chest.  
  
"Can I go sleep with Bakura?"  
  
Yami jerked awake. "RA NO!"  
  
"Tee-hee!" Yuugi giggled uncontrollably.  
  
Yami's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What were you playing that trick on me for, Yuugi? You KNOW I don't like to be tricked..." Yami quickly took advantage of the fact that Yuugi was on his lap, and began tickling his mercilessly.  
  
"Eek! Yami!" Yuugi giggled happily, face turning red from laughing so much. Yami smirked at the boy, wondering if he should stop his tickle torture anytime soon. He was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell.  
  
"GET THE DOOR, ANZU!" He yelled powerfully.  
  
"I'M BUSY!" she screeched back.  
  
"Stupid apricot girl. GET THE DOOR, BAKURA!"  
  
"I'M COOKING, BAKAYARO PHARAOH! MAKE THE CREEPY MARKER GIRL GET IT!"  
  
Yami sighed heavily. What was the point in having servants if none of them listened to you? "Fine then, I'll get it," he said, irritably getting up from the couch. And he had been having fun, too... he quickly derailed that train of thought before it was able to coast into dangerous territory.  
  
He heaved open the front door. "I DON'T WANT ANY!"  
  
His eyes fell upon a teary-eyed Malik the Ice Cream Person. "You obviously NEED some," he said quietly, tears dripping down his cheeks.  
  
AN: Hello again and welcome to the end of the first chapter of Potholes 2! Erm... It was rather strange... even I'll admit it. I hope I didn't scar any of you emotionally. How do you like it? It seems as if this is going to actually have some semblance of a plot, as exhibited by developments in the chapter. Eek! What insidious plots shall arise? Even I don't know! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
Err... please review! 


	2. Chapter the Second!

Potholes in Tokyo II  
  
Chapter Two – The Tortilla Chip Man  
  
AN: Thanks to the... four... of you who reviewed. Yaysies to you! Daisuki yo, Futomi-chan! Me wuvs ya! Su!  
  
Umm... let's see what happens next!  
  
"So, umm... can I stay with you people?" Malik asked, after he had spilled his grief-stricken tale of woe.  
  
"Sure, you can!" Yuugi said without thinking. Yuugi clapped a hand over his mouth, looking very embarrassed and cute.  
  
Yami grinned. It didn't really matter, since the boy practically had full run of the hose anyway. "I... I suppose you can... but only for a little while," Yami declared, as if it had been his own idea.  
  
"Domo arigatou," Malik said, bowing respectfully.  
  
The look-alikes blinked, looked at each other, and then burst out laughing.  
  
"Mwahahahahahahahahah!"  
  
Yuugi wisely stifled his giggles when Yami was hit in the head with a speeding ice cream sandwich. "So, um, Malik..." Yuugi began, stepping over Yami's unconscious form. "How about we get you a room set up?"  
  
*~*  
  
Marik stared listlessly at all the children surrounding him. He was supposed to be shooting yet another episode of Marik the Dinosaur, but his mind kept going back to his beloved ice cream man, Malik. Ah, how he loved his Malik-uke...  
  
"Marik the dinosaur?" a child called.  
  
"Nani?" he barked, not caring that he'd used his 'you're-a-stupid- child, leave-me-alone' voice.  
  
"Eek! I... I w-was just saying... the Tortilla Chip Man is ringing the d- doorbell!" Marik stood, knocking many children, fruit snacks, and inanimate objects over with his tail in the process. He growled as he stalked over to the door. He had never particularly like the 'Tortilla Chip Man', who was in fact an Egyptian man named Rishido, an extremely over-possessive cousin of Malik's. Rishido would undoubtedly be very angry with him for yelling at Malik...  
  
"Hello, Tortilla Chip Man," he muttered irritably, allowing the man with a sombrero on his head to enter the room.  
  
"Look little children! I have nachos for youuuuuuuu!" Rishido said in a singsong voice, throwing his hat to the floor and retrieving a basket of nachos from atop his head.  
  
"Yaaaaaay! Thank you very much, Tortilla Chip Man!" all the children cried in unison.  
  
"But maybe next time, you shouldn't put the food on your head. Mommy says you shouldn't play with food."  
  
"Yeah, that's what mommy says."  
  
"Really?" one child asked, really getting into the whole 'I'm-an- annoying-chatterbox' personality that all the children seemed to display. "My daddy says that if I play with my food, Santa Claus won't come to our house, because only bad boys and girls play with their food."  
  
"Hontou ni? What did Santy Claws bring you last year?"  
  
"A toy train!" a boy cried, making train noises for emphasis.  
  
"Well, I got a dolly. She opens and shuts her eyes, and says 'Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy--' "  
  
"What did you get from Santa Claus last year, Marik the Dinosaur? Did you get any good toys?"  
  
"THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA CLAUS! ...AND HE DOESN'T MAKE THE KIND OF TOYS I LIKE!"  
  
Rishido's eyes bulged until they were about to pop out of his head, while the children all backed away and began loudly eating their nachos.  
  
"Is Malik depriving you?" Rishido asked, retrieving his sombrero from the floor.  
  
"Sort of..." Marik sniffed, looking at the floor.  
  
"How can he 'sort of' deprive you...?"  
  
"I yelled at him because I thought he was flirting with this punk with dice earrings, and then he ran away... that was yesterday, and I haven't seen him since..." Marik broke into sobs, crying on Rishido's shoulder.  
  
"You hurt my Malik-chan!?" Rishido yelled. "I told him you'd only hurt him, but he wouldn't listen! ...he was a lovesick fool, ne?"  
  
"Waaaaah!" Marik bawled, tears streaming from pretty violet eyeballs.  
  
"Oh, there, there," Rishido said, patting the dinosaur's shoulder awkwardly. "I'm sure you two will be able to work out your problems. You always do."  
  
"You... you really think so?" Marik asked, wiping his nose on the plush arm of his dinosaur suit.  
  
"Well, either that or you're screwed over and Malik will never speak to you again!" Rishido said brightly, eyes sparkling.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
*~*  
  
Malik and Yuugi explored upstairs on their noble quest to find a room for Malik. So far, all the rooms had either been 'too large', 'not enough light', or 'not enough room for an ice cream trolley'. Yuugi tried the second to last door in the hall, which he had never actually opened before, but that he assumed contained a spare bedroom.  
  
Yuugi slammed the door shut as quickly as he had opened it. It was a broom closet... a broom closet containing Anzu the butler and a very confused pizza delivery man named Uncle Ingrid, Jr. The two had been doing something that would probably leave emotional scars on poor little Yuugi for the rest of his life.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAH!" Yuugi screeched, pounding down the stairs and immediately jumping into Yami's arms.  
  
"Daijoubo ka, Yuugi?" Yami asked, still a little out of it from being hit with the ice cream sandwich.  
  
"A-Anzuuuuuuuuuu..."  
  
"ANZU, YOU'RE FIRED!" Yami yelled.  
  
Malik tromped down the stairs, staring at Yuugi's sudden display of affection for Yami. "I don't think that fuzzy apricot girl would care even if she could hear you... but I DID finally find a room!" the blonde added brightly.  
  
Yuugi, still very disturbed from what he had seen the Anzu doing, fainted in Yami's arms.  
  
*~*  
  
Yami stared at the face of a sleeping angel. Bangs of liquid gold framed the boy's innocent face. A slight blush suffused the pure one's cheeks, breaths coming in and out of slightly parted lips. Yami edged closer, staring into the visage from mere inches away.  
  
"PHARAOH!" Bakura screeched. Yami twitched, but was slightly happier when he saw his Yuugi still sleeping peacefully. The insane chef appeared in the living room, brandishing a pink umbrella and a venomous glare at his employer.  
  
"YOU BAKA! WHAT'S THAT ICE CREAM SALESMAN DOING SLEEPING ON MY BED!?"  
  
Yuugi stirred, stretching and yawning. Bakura spared the boy a moment to glare at him before continuing his tirade.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU LET HIM GO INTO MY PRIVATE QUARTERS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!? YOU STUPID, IGNORANT, INCORRIGIBLE PHARAOH!"  
  
"I love you too, Tomb Robber," Yami murmured, voice dripping with sarcasm. "You talk like I let him grope you or something..." Yami shivered, apparently not at all pleased with the mental images that had popped up.  
  
"Oh, shut up, Baku. The poor kid's lover-- you know, that fruity dinosaur guy—got mad and yelled at him. You remember what happened between you and Ryou, don't you?" Yami asked, smirking at the chef.  
  
Bakura stared at the floor in shame, disgrace, and regret—either that or he found the rug to be interesting, but that's unlikely. "Fine, Pharaoh- baka. But as soon as he wakes up, HE'S GETTING OUT OF MY ROOM!"  
  
Yami, who (used to the patterns of Bakura's mental outbursts) had smartly covered his ears, tried to comfort the near-deaf Yuugi. "Oww," Yuugi whined, jamming his fingers in his ears (too little, too late, ne?) and bestowing his best attempt at a glare upon Bakura.  
  
"BAKUUUUUUU-CHAAAAAAAAAAN!" came a voice from the foyer. Bakura, having quickly forgotten all previous engagements (except for the one with Ryou... mou), rushed to greet his fiancée.  
  
"Ryou-itooshi, how I love you soooooooo!" he cried happily, throwing his arms around his silver-haired tenshi. "I missed you," he said, giving Ryou the puppy dog eyes.  
  
"I was only gone eight hours, Baku-chan..." Ryou said in his sugary- sweet tone.  
  
"But it felt like an eternity, for my heart would stop beating if not for your heart's charity!" Bakura cried poetically.  
  
"Err... right. Ai shiteru mo," he said, blushing as he stood on tiptoe to kiss Bakura on the cheek.  
  
"Kawaiiiiiiiii!" Malik squealed happily (he had, as most of the characters do at some point or other, suddenly appeared in the living room with no explanation of how or why. Why ask why?), glomping onto the two bishies.  
  
"Eek!" Ryou squeaked as he overbalanced, and the three crashed onto the floor. Bakura landed on the bottom and Malik on top, with Ryou sandwiched unhappily in the middle.  
  
"GET OFF MY RYOU, YOU FIEND!" Bakura yelled, pushing Malik to the side. Ryou wriggled over to the corner, blushing profusely. "You, Mister Ice Cream Man, must be one of the many who try to steal my Ryou away from me! You may try, but you shall never succeed! My Ryou loves me and I love my Ryou! I SHALL PREVAIL!"  
  
They all sweat-dropped. Ryou got up, dragging Bakura into the kitchen as he said, "C'mon Bakura, honey, let's get you your medicine..."  
  
"But I don't WAAAAAANT my medicine," Bakura whined to no avail. "Waaaaaaah..."  
  
Malik stared at the kitchen door as it swung behind the two sort-of albino people. "I wonder what's on TV!" Malik hopped up on the couch between Yami and Yuugi, grabbing the remote from Yami's hand. "Eww, Teletubbies," Malik muttered with distaste. "Marik always hated the Teletubbies; they're his biggest competitors. But it DOES prove once and for all that children's shows with gay cast members get better ratings, ne? Oh, sugoi! Jerry Springer!"  
  
Malik and Yuugi stared intently at the TV screen. Yami hoped for Malik's sake that the broadcast was censored. If his Yuugi were to hear all those wordy-dirties... Malik would wake up with his head disconnected from his body...  
  
...but which one?  
  
AN: Mou! Wow, I actually got this finished today! I surprise myself sometimes... actually, I surprise myself a lot...  
  
Monkey bread tastes great! ...no, it doesn't have monkeys in it... I don't eat monkeys. But I'm afraid that if I eat any more, I'll get so fat I fall down go BOOM!... Or maybe not. Mou.  
  
Please review! ^_~  
  
Kissy kissy to Futomi-chan! 


	3. Chapter the Third!

Potholes in Tokyo  
  
AN: Sorry it took so long, dudes and dudettes! Life...happened. My teachers all swamped me with projects... I have four due next week, but I finished them after many hours... all I have left is a collage of why plants are important... do you think I should glue a picture of Kurama to it? (Tee-hee... if not for the pretty plants, there would be no pretty Kura-chan! And that would be sad).  
  
...I have allergies... mou. My nose is so stuffy it's hard to breathe... And it's barely spring and I was overheating outside today... saa. This is gonna be a sucky summer, isn't it?  
  
Chapter Three  
  
"You know, I think we should do something to cheer Malik up," Yami said, glancing over at the blonde. Malik was watching a re-run of Marik the Dinosaur, nose pressed into the television screen. "I'm afraid he's going to mess up my TV by doing that..."  
  
"Well, Yami, you did promise me that you'd take me to see The Tortilla Chip Man Meets the Evil Furbies... or whatever it's was called. That's bound to make Malik happy!"  
  
"Ehh... I'm not sure it's safe to take him out in public," Yami said uncertainly.  
  
"Come on, Yami, don't be a wet blanket! It'll be fun!... and we can invite Bakura and Ryou!" Yuugi smiled such a genki smile that Yami just couldn't bear to let it fall.  
  
"Oh, all right," he said, sighing. Yuugi merrily skipped off to find Bakura. "Ouch," Yami said, as he hit himself in the head with a plank.  
  
(Pie iesu domine... dona eis requiem... BONK! Tee-hee!)  
  
"Ouch. Itai. Ouch. Itai. Ouch..."  
  
"You know, self-mutilation isn't the answer. You're not Siddartha Gautama..." Malik said.  
  
"WATCH THE TELEVISION, MORTAL!" Yami yelled.  
  
"YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, PHARAOH!"  
  
"...are you a member of Bakura's cult?"  
  
"Ra no! Why would I want to hang out with that loser? He's your slave!"  
  
"Then why do all of you stupid people think I'M THE PHARAOH!"  
  
"...because you have pot leaf hair!" Malik said, giggling happily for no apparent reason.  
  
"WELL AT LEAST I HAVEN'T BEEN SMOKING IT!" Yami shrieked.  
  
"Yamiiiii... why are you yelling?" Yuugi asked, somehow appearing right next to Yami's elbow. "It... it makes me sad when people yell at each other..." the little boy said, sniffing in an uber-kawaii way.  
  
Yami's gaze softened. "All right, Yuugi. I won't yell at Malik..."  
  
"You're the most whipped Pharaoh I've ever seen..."  
  
"You'd be whipped too if you lived with this gorgeous angel!" Yami gestured to Yuugi, who blushed a dark crimson and shyly looked away.  
  
"And WHY, exactly, are you wanting me to go watch a CHILDREN'S movie with you imbeciles?" Bakura asked angrily.  
  
"Because it was the only movie on your mental level," Yami retorted.  
  
Bakura huffed. "Fine then... but I'm not cooking you dinner."  
  
"Then I'm not giving you a paycheck!" Yami said brilliantly, smirking.  
  
Bakura growled. "Fine..."  
  
"Yay! Let's go!" Yuugi said happily, jumping up and down.  
  
*~*  
  
"What about my Ryou?" Bakura asked as he climbed into the back of the limo. "If Ryou doesn't go, then I'm not going." Bakura crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
"Ryou said he'd meet us in the limo; he still has to put on some clothes."  
  
"Well, gee, I don't think anyone would mind if he came out here starkers..." Malik said thoughtfully as he hopped in beside the cook.  
  
"I WOULD!" Bakura screeched, punching the back of the blonde's head.  
  
"Oro," Malik said, crumpling to the floorboard of the limo.  
  
"A little overprotective, Bakura?" Yami asked, arching an eyebrow at the insane chef.  
  
"I am the only one who gets to touch my Ryou!" Bakura declared.  
  
"And even that hasn't happened yet," Yami teased.  
  
"Urusai... baka Pharaoh..." Bakura grumbled from the back seat.  
  
"Baku-chan!" Ryou said, giggling happily, as he climbed into the limo. He glomped Bakura, smiling brightly. "Ai shiteru!"  
  
"Ai shiteru mo," Bakura said, grinning and wrapping his arms around 'his Ryou'.  
  
"I don't know if I trust the two of you in my backseat..." Yami said, winking at Bakura in the driver's mirror.  
  
Ryou 'Eep'ed, turning as red as a radish.  
  
"Hn. Baka," Bakura said softly, burying his nose in his koi's silver hair.  
  
Something on the floor of the limo caught Ryou's attention. "Hey, why is Malik asleep on the floorboard?"  
  
Bakura sweat-dropped.  
  
*~*  
  
"Yamiii, will you get me a soda?" Yuugi asked as he stared up at the man with gigantic, googly amethyst eyeballs.  
  
"Certainly," Yami answered.  
  
"He would even buy you yaoi doujinshi if you asked him to," Malik said offhandedly, then realized exactly what this meant to him. "You know what, Yuugi... let's be best friends!"  
  
Yuugi sweat-dropped, backing away. He turned back to Yami, who was buying a super size soda for him. "Hey, sexy," the clerk said.  
  
Yami's eyes bulged to the point that they nearly popped out of his eye sockets. He laughed nervously, wondering what to do—unlike Bakura, Ryou, and Malik, he wasn't used to being hit on by other men.  
  
"YOU GET AWAY FROM MY YAMI! RIGHT NOW, YOU FREAKY HENTAI!" Yuugi screeched at the clerk, successfully saving Yami from even more embarrassing situations.  
  
Bakura's chin dropped to the floor. "Whoa..."  
  
"Uhh..." Yuugi's eyes darted around the room—everyone in the crowded theater lobby was staring at him. Yuugi blushed. "Erm... gomen nasai! I... didn't mean to yell so loudly... actually, I didn't even know I could yell like that..." Yuugi sweat-dropped.  
  
"You're certainly overprotective of Yami," Malik observed. (Thank you, Captain Obvious!)  
  
"And once again, it seems that Yami is the uke..." Bakura whispered, but loud enough for Yami to hear him clearly.  
  
Yami was about to attack Bakura with his drink, but was stopped by Yuugi. "Come on, let's go see the movie!" Yuugi darted happily ahead to the place where the movie theater employees collected patrons' movie tickets.  
  
"Tortilla Chip Man, eh? Aren't you people a little old to be watching kiddie movies?" the employee asked, chuckling at them.  
  
"You see, my cousin here," Bakura began, gesturing at Malik, "He... he just really gets a 'thrill' from little kid movies... if you know what I mean," Bakura murmured. "He hasn't been outside the booby hatch for five years, so I thought I'd let him have some fun."  
  
"Oh, I see," the clerk-woman said. "Well, I hope you have fun watching your movie, you adorable little hentai!"  
  
Malik glared dangerously at Bakura. "Kill, burn DIE!"  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes, opening the door to the screening room. "Eunuchs first," he said, flashing Malik a charming smile as he held the door open for him.  
  
"Bakura... I hope you're not expecting me to cry at your funeral..."  
  
"Why would I have a funeral?" Bakura scoffed.  
  
"Because Malik's about to kill you," Yami answered.  
  
"..."  
  
"What's wrong now?"  
  
"You... you said y-you wouldn't cr-cry for meeeee..." Bakura whined, tears flowing down his cheeks. "HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL AND MALICIOUS, PHARAOH!?"  
  
Ryou sighed, wrapping an arm around his koi's shoulders. "It'll be all right, 'Kura, he didn't really mean it..."  
  
O.o  
  
"You... you made Bakura cry!" Yuugi yelled. "I... I don't know whether I should laugh or be angry at you..."  
  
"I AM A MEMBER OF THE GINYU FORCE!"  
  
*~*  
  
The film had only been rolling for ten minutes, and Malik was the only one watching. Ryou had fallen asleep with his head on Bakura's shoulder, while Bakura was trying to ignore how a posse of little kids kept tugging on his demonic bunny ears (AKA the really pointy pieces of hair). Yuugi was rather preoccupied by the advances of a somehow intoxicated Yami.  
  
"Tee-hee," Yami said, all giggles and grins. "Oh Yuugi boy, I love you so!" he sang, going from the intended key to something raucous and terrible.  
  
"Y-Yami..." Yuugi said uncertainly, blushing as tanned arms latched onto his waist. "Yami, are you all right?"  
  
"I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?" Yami asked, peering up at Yuugi with sparkly crimson eyes.  
  
"Eek!" Yuugi yelped, scared and confused by Yami's sudden change in character. "What's wrong with you, Yami?"  
  
"He's drunk," Bakura muttered, glaring warningly at a little girl who had just yanked on a lock of his hair. "Grr... if Ryou wasn't using me for a pillow I'd smack you, little girl..."  
  
"There must be something wrong with my eyes; I can't take them off you."  
  
"..."  
  
"I'm wearing Revlon colorstay lipstick, want to help me test the claim that it won't kiss off?"  
  
Yuugi fainted.  
  
"Muhahahaha!" Yami said happily, pulling the unconscious boy into his lap and petting his hair.  
  
"Aak! Come back to me, my love!" Malik yelled as he pressed his face against the widescreen.  
  
"And, erm... all you little kids out there... LEAVE THE ROOM!" came the shouting of Marik the Dinosaur from the speakers. "Ahem. Umm... Well, I just wanted to say... Malik, I'm sorry... I was being stupid," Marik said, pausing to glare at someone off-screen. "So, erm... what I want to say is... I LOVE YOU, MALIK!"  
  
AN: Hello, all of you peoples! Erm... those were some bad pick-up lines, ne? Mwahahaha! Well, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review... in fact... I will only post the next chapter after I get FIVE REVIEWS!  
  
*crickets chirping*  
  
YOU DEFER TO ME, MORTAL! MUHAHAHAH!  
  
(Btw, that's only my desperate ploy to get reviews... I feel so lonely and unfulfilled... saa.)  
  
TRT + Futomi-chan = True love! 


	4. Chapter the Fourth!

Potholes in Tokyo II  
  
Chapter Four  
  
AN: Err... I'm actually not in the mood to write right now... O.o Urgh... but you few reviewers deserve a chapter, I guess... it makes me lonely to know that pit2 isn't doing nearly as well as the first one... am I no longer amusing and insane? Waaaaaah!  
  
"I miss my Malik-uke..." a depressed Marik whimpered as he lay on his couch eating chocolate bon bons and watching reruns of 'I Love Lucy'. The phone rang, but he didn't even heed it. At first, he had been hoping that maybe Malik would see his apology on the big screen and come back to him, but by now he had deserted all hope of getting his uke back.  
  
"Luuuuuucy, you got some esplainin' to do!"  
  
"Waaaah," Marik sobbed into his pillow. "I was such a fool... I feel so stupid..."  
  
He listened half-heartedly as the answering machine took the phone call. "You have reached the home of the magnificent Marik the dinosaur. Please leave a message after the beep, but I'll only return your call if you're incredibly sexy... because I don't have enough time to waste it talking to unsexy people, you know... BEEP!"  
  
"Ma-Marik?" came the uncertain voice from the speakers. "I saw your message today... and I just wanted to say..."  
  
Marik jumped energetically from the couch, banging his knee painfully on the table as he stumbled to the phone. "MALIK?!" he cried happily into the receiver.  
  
"...oww," Malik said. "That... that hurt my ears."  
  
"Gomen ne, Malik-chan! I'm so sorry!"  
  
"It's not like you're making me go deaf or anything, you know," Malik muttered, surprised by his response.  
  
"No, I mean... I'm sorry for everything. I should know you well enough to know that you'd never cheat on me... I've been so stupid, Malik-chan..." Marik swallowed the lump in his throat. "I... I've missed you so much... ai shiteru, Malik-chan..."  
  
*~*  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Malik yelled, falling backward into a dead faint.  
  
"Malik-chan? Malik-chan, what's wrong?" came the buzzing from the receiver that was clutched in Malik's stony grip.  
  
"Malik?" Yuugi asked, staring at the blonde who had just fainted dead away. He rushed over to the boy. "A.J., A.J., ARE YOU O.K.?!" Yuugi yelled into Malik's face, shaking him by his shoulders.  
  
"Ra help us," Bakura mumbled as he watched Yuugi.  
  
"Who's A.J.?" Ryou asked quietly.  
  
"Yuugi's significant other," Bakura muttered.  
  
"Oh," Ryou said, blinking. "I'm confused... oh well. C'mon, Baku-chan, help me pick out china patterns!" Ryou enthusiastically patted the book of wedding-type things that was resting in his lap.  
  
Bakura sighed. "Oh, the things I do for love..."  
  
"C'mon A.J., wake up!" Yuugi screeched. "All right, now what was it...? Airway, breathing, and circulation!"  
  
Anzu stumbled down the stairs, pulling a very confused Uncle Ingrid, Jr. along with her. "What's going on?" she asked, cheeks very red.  
  
"Yuugi decided that he loved A.J. instead of Yami... which could be due to the fact that Yami molested him in the movie theater..."  
  
"That Yami! I'll give him what-for!" Anzu yelled, brandishing a fist at her invisible employer.  
  
"Does that mean I can leave?" Uncle Ingrid, Jr. asked.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Aww, why not? I have enough money now to buy Pizza Hut!"  
  
Bakura's mouth dropped open. "Jeez, Anzu; is he _that_ good, or are you just really desperate?"  
  
"Bakura... if you don't shut up, I'm going to SCRIBBLE ALL OVER YOUR HANDS WITH MY MAGIC MARKER OF _DOOM_!" Anzu screeched into his ear.  
  
"Ehh..." Bakura fell over, eyes turning into little swirlies.  
  
"Where _is_ Yami, anyway?"  
"He must be washing his hair."  
  
"Baku-chan, why would he be washing his hair?" Ryou asked, glancing up from the overpriced plates with flowers all over them.  
  
"Because he's the Pharaoh!"  
  
"Oh... all right. So, how do you like this one?" Ryou asked, gesturing to a picture of a pretty plate with pink roses dancing across it.  
  
"Who's paying for all this?"  
  
"Err... the U.S. Postal Service?" Ryou said uncertainly.  
  
"They don't have any money!"  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"Paper plates?" Bakura asked.  
  
"Yessh! Paper plates are the fine china, anyway!" Ryou said, flashing a glittering smile.  
  
"Excuse me! I'M UNCONSCIOUS! WORRY ABOUT ME!"  
  
Bakura looked over at the blonde Egyptian. "You're not unconscious. Silly A.J."  
  
"Hey, weren't you using the phone earlier?" Ryou asked, staring at 'A.J.'.  
  
Malik gasped. "Yes, I was!" He picked up the phone. "MARIK-SEME! MAAAAARIK?!" He sighed, placing the phone on the receiver. "He hung up..."  
  
"I guess you'll just have to go and see him, then," Ryou said. "I hope you two are able to kiss and make up."  
  
"You're such a fruit," Malik said, standing up and walking out the door.  
  
"Waaah..." Ryou buried his face in Bakura's chest, sobbing. "Why does everyone equate me to a fruiiiiiiiiit?"  
  
"Because you taste sweet, itooshi," Bakura whispered, wrapping his arms around Ryou.  
  
Ryou blushed darkly. "Don't say things like that in front of people!"  
  
"It's just the whore, the pizza man, and the catamite... I doubt they mind. I bet they're enjoying it!"  
  
"That's it, Anzu. I don't get paid enough to listen to this!" Ingrid stormed out the door.  
  
"Matte, Ingrid! I can pay you more!" Anzu ran after the sexy pizza man.  
  
Yuugi sweat-dropped. "I don't get it..."  
  
"Haha. Seems appropriate that Yami would get a naïve catamite..."  
  
Yuugi's coke bottle-sized eyes showed confusion. "Is... is the pizza man... a mercenary?"  
  
"Huh?" Bakura looked extremely confused.  
  
Ryou giggled. "Apparently so, Yuugi-kun!"  
  
"Nani? What's going on, Ryou?"  
  
"Tee-hee!"  
  
*~*  
  
There was a hammering on the door.  
  
"Ahhh! I'm under attack!" Marik yelled, falling from the couch and hitting his head. "...oh, wait... that's just the doorbell!" Laughing to himself, Marik stood and moved to the door.  
  
"I don't want any religious pamphlets, girl scout cookies, or microwave ovens. Leave me be, vile door-to-door salesman!"  
  
"Err... then do you have any interest in a sexy little boy?" Malik asked.  
  
"Sure... but where _is_ Yuugi?"  
  
"You baka!" Malik bashed Marik with a blue ice pop. "You're at my mercy and you have the gall to make jokes!?"  
  
"At your mercy, eh? Ooh, kinky..."  
  
Malik blushed, turning away. "I... I just wanted to say... I accept your apology."  
  
"Yay! I love you, Malik!" Marik wrapped his arms around Malik's shoulders, nuzzling his neck. "I missed you so, so much!"  
  
"I know you did, Marik," Malik said, smiling brightly at his koi. "You've always been needy and clingy, you know..."  
  
"We have so much catching up to do, Malik-chan!" Marik said, letting go of Malik and plopping down on his couch; Malik took a seat beside him after he had moved a box of chocolate bon bons out of the way.  
  
"Nothing seems to have changed..."  
  
"Well, uhh... I bought a new CD! See?"  
  
"The Pokemon Soundtrack?" Malik asked, looking at it. "Baka! You're not supposed to be supporting our rivals!"  
  
"Rivals? Ha ha! Nothing to worry about, Malik. After all, we have _me_. And I'm incredibly sexy."  
  
Malik rolled his eyes. "See, I was right. Nothing's changed..."  
  
"Well, actually... they were talking about something interesting on the news today..."  
  
"Hontou ni? What was it?" Malik asked, knowing he'd regret it later.  
  
"You're interested!? ...well, they said that... frequent sex reduces the risk of cancer!"  
  
"O.o"  
  
"You don't want me getting cancer, do you? Huh, itooshi?"  
  
Malik glared, bashing Marik with a frozen banana split.  
  
"Yay! Malik-uke loves me again!"  
  
AN: Mwahahaha! Well... err... not that much happened... but next chapter should have more plot development! I hope you haven't forgotten Miho the ho! Well, uhh... ja! 


	5. Chapter the Fifth!

Potholes in Tokyo  
  
Chapter Five  
  
AN: Blahh... trying to finish the chappy before I have to go back to school on Tuesday... eek.  
  
"ANZU, GET ME A NAPKIN!" Yami roared, although he doubted the butler would comply; his servants were pretty much useless nowadays.  
  
"You're silly, Yami," Yuugi said, staring up at Yami, who had been eating barbecue chips and now had that stuff all over his fingers. "You don't need a napkin..."  
  
"What are you talking about, Yuugi?" Yami asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion.  
  
"Tee-hee, poor Yami has led a sheltered life," Yuugi said as he snatched the potato chip bag from Yami's lap, digging out a handful of chips and stuffing them into his mouth. "Now, watch veeeeeery closely..." After he had swallowed the chips, he looked down at his hands. "Oh no! My fingers are soiled!" he said dramatically. "Wait, I know what to do!"  
  
Yuugi brought a finger to his mouth and began licking the barbecue- stuff off of it. When he had finished cleaning his hand, he looked up at Yami. "See? It's that easy!" Yuugi giggled, smiling at Yami.  
  
Yami was staring absent-mindedly at Yuugi's hand. "How do you _do_ that?"  
  
Yuugi sighed in exasperation. "Here, I'll help you," Yuugi said, taking Yami's hand and lifting it to his lips. Slowly, he sucked on the finger.  
  
"Aah!" Yami shrieked, wrenching his hand away. "St-stop that! Naughty, naughty, naughty!"  
  
"What?" Yuugi asked innocently. "I really like barbecue chips... what's wrong with you, anyway?" He placed a hand on Yami's forehead. "Do you have a fever?"  
  
"Akkkkkkk!" Yami wriggled away, falling off the couch. "I know what's going on... having Malik living here has corrupted you! MY POOR YUUGI- TENSHI!"  
  
Yuugi grinned at the sobbing boy on the floor. "There's nothing to be sad about... I thought you _loved_ me?" Yuugi's face scrunched up in hurt.  
  
Yami turned to him. "I-I... I do love you, Yuugi-chan..."  
  
Yuugi's face immediately brightened, and he tackled Yami with a hug. "Yay! I knew you really loved me!"  
  
"Ehh..." Yami looked up to see a happily smiling face directly above him, so close that Yuugi's eyelashes fluttered against his cheek. "QUIT SEDUCING ME!" Yami hopped up, running into the kitchen and bolting the door shut.  
  
Yuugi stared after him, confusion evident on his face. "Nani?"  
  
Bakura laughed like a madman, stirring a bowl full of cake mix as he watched Yami shaking like a leaf. "KU KU KU KU KU!"  
  
"Urusai!"  
  
"Ha ha ha! Baka Pharaoh... tell me, how is it, being on the bottom? I've never had the experience myself and I'm curious..."  
  
Yami whimpered, drawing his knees to his chest. "I feel lost and confused, like an artichoke in the snow..."  
  
"Aww, I'm sorry, Pharaoh... ah, how the mighty have fallen..."  
  
"Stupid chef-man..."  
  
"But it's obvious that Yuugi feels the same way as you do..." Bakura said as he poured the cake batter into a big pan.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, you see... it's sort of how I felt when I realized that Ryou was 'the one'... just thinking about him made me agonizingly happy and warm inside, and I felt my heart would burst if I didn't get to see him, hold him, kiss him... things like that..."  
  
"Aww, the Tomb Robber is head over heels in love with the secretary..."  
  
"Yes, well at least _I'm_ not afraid of the one I love..."  
  
"I'm not afraid of Yuugi... he just scares me sometimes..."  
  
"Bwahahahahahahaha!" Bakura laughed uproariously as he violently shoved the cake pan in the oven.  
  
Yami blinked. "I think I'm paying you too much..."  
  
Bakura quickly shut up.  
  
Yami grinned.  
  
*~*  
  
"Ohayou, Ryou-kun!" a voice said merrily as the albino-looking boy stumbled in the door of Kaibacorp.  
  
"Oh, morning, Miho..." Ryou greeted, politely pretending to be happy she was stalking him once again.  
  
"You certainly look nice today..."  
  
"Err... thanks," Ryou said sheepishly. "Well, I have to go to my office now; you know, if you don't work, you don't get paid..." Laughing nervously, he disappeared into the elevator.  
  
"You _do_ know he's engaged, right?" Mokuba asked, stepping from behind a giant coffee maker.  
  
"N-nani?" Miho asked, light green eyes showing immense shock.  
  
"Duh! Haven't you noticed that gigantic rock on his finger?"  
  
"B-but... why would Ryou be wearing an engagement ring? I thought that only women wore engagement rings..." Miho looked around nervously before bending down to whisper in Mokuba's ear. "Did... did he get a sex change without telling me? Because... he was _definitely_ a boy in high school..."  
  
"I... I'm not going to ask how you can be so sure about that," Mokuba said. "But, err... in case you hadn't noticed, your Ryou belongs to another man..."  
  
Miho gasped. "Poor, poor Ryou! I know! He must be delusional; HE MUST HAVE BOUGHT CRACK FROM OTOGIIIIIIII!"  
  
"Eek! Stupid whore, don't yell in my ears!"  
  
Miho, being the nice (yet slightly crazed and obsessive) person she was, decided to ignore Mokuba's comment. "I know! I will win the love of my Ryou! Then he will be mine forever and we can have gorgeous purple-haired and brown-eyed children!"  
  
Mokuba sweat-dropped, staring up at the girl wearing the strange orange uniform. "Fruitcake..."  
  
Miho walked away, many plots forming in her mind.  
  
"Heh. I sometimes wonder if I'm the only slightly sane person around here..."  
  
*~*  
  
"Morning, Seto-kun. How are you doing?"  
  
"Terribly, Ryou-chan," Seto muttered as he typed away on his computer.  
  
"Doushite?" Ryou asked, tilting his head to the side cutely.  
  
"I just realized that nearly everyone I know is gay..." Seto said, not taking his eyes from his computer. "...and that I'll be alone forever because I'm the only straight person in Japan..."  
  
"Uhh... gomen ne... maybe you should be gay too?"  
  
Seto slammed his fist angrily on the table. "What's the point? ALL THE GOOD BISHIES ARE TAKEN!"  
  
"Err... I think I'll go file something now," Ryou said nervously, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Why are you here?" Noa asked, glaring angrily at Ryou.  
  
"I work here... though I doubt you know what the word 'work' entails..."  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"Tee-hee, it's so cute how you constantly say the opposite of what you feel," Ryou smiled at Noa as he heaved an enormous stack of papers on top of a large filing cabinet.  
  
"Oro?"  
  
"I know you love me, silly!"  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha! Why would anyone, let alone _I_, the great Noa Kaiba, love an incorrigible waif such as yourself?"  
  
"Because I'm adorable," Ryou said simply. "But I'm sorry to report that I belong to someone else... I feel so bad to break the heart of one so young... but don't worry, you're invited to the wedding—I'll even let you carry my train!"  
  
"Train...?" Noa, looking extremely puzzled, wandered around the Kaibacorp building for the rest of the day, muttering, "Train...?"  
  
[*Nifty Sparkly Time Lapse Thingy of Fluff-Filled DOOM*]  
  
"Gwa ha ha ha ha ha! I shall see to it that my Ryou goes heterosexual once more!" Miho declared. "Now, I shall set my plan into motion! Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss ATTACK!"  
  
A confused Pegasus of Industrial Illusions crumpled to the floor. Miho stared down at the face of her captive. "Ehh... oops..." She whistled innocently, stepping away from the crime scene before anyone else arrived. "Let's try this again..."  
  
"Who's in the forest strolling? The birds and the bees sing, "Mo-mi- ji! The frogs in the pond are calling, "Mo-mi-ji", yes, it's truuuuuuue!"  
  
"What in green hills and valleys?" Miho asked herself as she stared at the black-haired man dancing around the office. "Hn... must be Otogi..."  
  
"Otogi, don't you remember what I told you?" Ryou asked, placing a hand on the man's shoulder.  
  
"Who are you, you foxy thing?"  
  
Ryou sweat-dropped, a blush tinting his cheeks. "Crack kills, Otogi. Remember that!"  
  
Miho growled. How dare that stupid Otogi hit on _her_ Ryou?  
  
"THE RYOU IS MINE, YOU BAKA!" Miho yelled, charging at Otogi.  
  
"Err... Miho?" Ryou asked. "What's wrong...? Did you forget to take your Midol today?"  
  
"Ry-chan... you're coming with me, ha ha ha!"  
  
Ryou went 'Eep' before he succumbed to the Miho-induced darkness.  
  
"Gwahahahaha! I have finally succeeded! THE RYOU IS MIIIIIINE!" Miho did a little victory dance before taking hold of Ryou and jumping out the window with him. "Tee-hee, a giant trampoline!" Miho smiled, glad she and her love hadn't gone 'splat'. "But... why is it covered in... chocolate?"  
  
She looked across the expanse of the trampoline, to see two pairs of angry violet eyes turned her way. "Err... hi," she said quickly, gulping. "I... suppose I'll leave now... just...er, you go back to what you were doing before..."  
  
"Hey, did that white-haired guy remind you of anyone?" Marik asked, watching as Miho ran off into the distance with Ryou.  
  
"Yeah, he's a dead ringer for Pegasus J. Crawford!" Malik said.  
  
"Really...? I was thinking of Inuyasha... oh well..." Marik shrugged. "I suppose we should take her advice and continue, ne?"  
  
Malik sighed. "One of these days, I'm taking you on Ricki and telling them about what a sex fiend you are..."  
  
Marik grinned. "Of course..."  
  
AN: Not much to say... the plot has thickened! ...mou! 


	6. Chapter the Sixth

Potholes in Tokyo II  
  
Chapter Six  
  
"Pharaoooooooh," Bakura whined as he shoved a tray full of chocolate chip cookies into the stove.  
  
"What's wrong now?" Yami asked.  
  
"My Ry-chaaaaaaaaaaan," Bakura said, sobbing.  
  
"Oh, he's only half an hour late," Yami said, trying to be helpful. "He probably just stopped by a _special_ store to buy you something..."  
  
"Don't even joke, Pharaoh! He's never been late before!"  
  
Yami reached for the mounting pile of sweets on the table, but Bakura slapped his hand away. "Stop that! Those are for Ryou-itooshi!"  
  
"Well, Ryou's not here...he won't know if a few are gone!"  
  
"PHARAOH, TOUCH THE SWEETS AND I SHALL BEHEAD YOU WITH KAIBA'S POINTY TRENCH COAT!"  
  
Yami blinked. "Kaiba wouldn't let you have his trench coat..."  
  
"I WOULD STEEEEEAL IT!"  
  
"...right."  
  
"Waaaaaah!" Bakura collapsed into sobbing on Yami's arm. "My lovely Ryouuuuu-chaaaaaaan..."  
  
"Aww, it's all right, Baku-chan... I'm sure Ryou will be back soon..."  
  
"Ah... you're right, baka Pharaoh," Bakura said, drying his tears and moving to check on the cookies in the oven. "Do you think it's O.K. that I put bananas, chocolate, vanilla, and honey in the pizza I baked for Ryou?"  
  
"Ehh... aren't you going to wait until you're married?!" Yami asked, eyes bulging.  
  
"You know, you're right. Here, give the aphrodisiac pizza to your Yuugi!"  
  
"My Yuugi obviously doesn't _need_ an aphrodisiac pizza... I mean I'm so sexy as it is..."  
  
"Then give it to the apricot girl. Maybe she can keep her pizza man if he's hallucinating and disillusioned."  
  
"Why do you care about Anzu?"  
  
"If she's busy with the pizza man, I don't have to deal with her!"  
  
"Ah, good thinking!" Yami said. "Yes, give the Anzu the aphrodisiac pizza!"  
  
"..."  
  
"What is it now?"  
  
"Ryouuuuuuuuu-chaaaaaaan..."  
  
*~*  
  
"WAIT!"  
  
"What is it, Malik-uke?"  
  
"I... I just realized something..." Malik said, eyes lighting up in epiphany. "Do you remember that guy we saw earlier?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"He had a GIGANTIC engagement ring! ...why can't you get ME one of those, Marik-seme?"  
  
"Umm...errr... LOOK, A GIANT TOMATO!"  
  
"Huh? Where?" Malik's eyes darted around the landscape in search for the giant tomato. "Maaaaaarik..." came the warning tone.  
  
"Nani desu ka?"  
  
"Are you just trying to distract me?"  
  
"No, of course not, Malik-uke..."  
  
"Then why don't you want to get me an engagement ring?"  
  
"Because... I... I have trouble with commitment," Marik said, hanging his head sorrowfully.  
  
"Like Mr. Sheffield?!" Malik shrieked happily, clapping his hands together.  
  
O.o "That's it, Malik; no more Lifetime TV for you!"  
  
Malik tried his best puppy dog eyes. "Onegai? Please, Marik-seme?"  
  
"Fine, I'll get you an engagement ring," Malik brightened. "...but no Lifetime TV."  
  
"Aww, shucks."  
  
"Ehh... what were we just doing?" Marik asked, confused.  
  
"Uhh... licking chocolate off each other?"  
  
"Hn. Let's go do something else, then."  
  
*Gasp* "I have an idea!" Malik said happily, a giant light bulb appearing over his head. "Let's go visit Yami!"  
  
"Pfft. Who is this 'Yami'?"  
  
"He's this midget with lots of money and a cute little catamite. Yami wears tight leather pants."  
  
"What are you waiting for, then? Let's go!"  
  
*~*  
  
"Mou..." Ryou said cutely, blinking as he stared around the room. "Where am I...?"  
  
"Ryou-chan, you're awake! Yesh!"  
  
"Huh?" Ryou asked, sleep fogging his rain and pretty much halting his thought processes.  
  
"It is I, your love!"  
  
"...you don't _look_ like my Baku-chan..."  
  
"Of course I don't!"  
  
"...you don't _smell_ like my Baku-chan, either..."  
  
"Ryou..."  
  
"...and you definitely don't have my Baku-chan's voice..."  
  
"RYOU, YOU'RE STRAIGHT! YOU AREN'T IN LOVE WITH THIS 'BAKU-CHAN'! YOU LOVE ME!"  
  
"H-hontou ni?" Ryou asked, trembling.  
  
Miho nodded with verve, giving Ryou a bright smile.  
  
"...I could have sworn that I was engaged to this dude named Bakura... and that he was a mental chef... and that we were very much in love and were very cute together in order to please the rabid fans..."  
  
"Oh, you must have had a nightmare!" Miho shrieked, looping her arms around Ryou's shoulders. "You poor, poor thing!"  
  
"What are you doing, female?"  
  
"I'M BEING AFFECTIONATE, MORON!"  
  
"..."  
  
"Ehh..."  
  
Ryou's eyes filled with tears; he turned away, burying his face in his hands as tears rolled down his cheeks.  
  
"I'M SO SORRY, RYOU!"  
  
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Ryou whined.  
  
"I didn't mean it, Ryou! I still love you!"  
  
"...but I want my Baku-chan..."  
  
Miho stared at the sobbing Ryou, who was tightly hugging a pillow to his chest. "You'll never love me, will you?"  
  
"I'm... afraid not... but I do know this straight guy who might like you!"  
  
Miho stared dully at her shoes, trying her hardest to ignore the albino-esque boy who was now trying to find her a guy.  
  
"...yeah, his name is Seto Kaiba!"  
  
"...I work for him."  
  
"Oh, yeah; I was sorta confused because all you ever did at Kaibacorp was stare at me, with drool running down your face..."  
  
Miho glared at the wall in an attempt to stop from getting angry at Ryou.  
  
"Well, err... there's this guy named Otogi... wait, I think he's in love with Honda..."  
  
"Is _everyone_ you know gay?"  
  
Ryou thought for a moment, considering. "...pretty much!"  
  
Miho sighed. "And you're _sure_ you'll never go straight one day and be attracted to me and my attractive orange outfit?"  
  
"Absolutely positive!" Ryou said, giving her a genki smile.  
  
"You're so cute."  
  
Ryou blinked, blushing slightly.  
  
"Would you like some tea?"  
  
*~*  
  
"Hello Yami!" Malik squeaked happily, appearing right behind the Pharaoh-type man.  
  
"AAAAAARGH! ...how'd _you_ get in here?"  
  
"The door was unlocked!" Malik said brightly.  
  
"Stupid, stupid..." Yami muttered to himself, ignoring as the sounds of exploding cake pans resounded from the kitchen.  
  
"EEK!" Marik shrieked, jumping in the air and landing in the chandelier. "I'M UNDER ATTACK, I'M UNDER ATTACK!"  
  
"What was that?" Malik asked; he was surprised, but managed to control any paranoid outbursts that may have been trying to escape his lithe form.  
  
Yami rolled his eyes. "Bakura..."  
  
"Isn't he that funny tapir at the zoo?" Marik asked, a confused look on his face.  
  
Yami stared up at him. "You're a moron."  
  
"Waaaaah, the midget man is being mean to meeeee! Make him stop it, Malik-uke! Make him stop!"  
  
"Come down from there, Marik-seme," Malik ordered.  
  
"Why don't you make me?" Marik asked, sticking his tongue out.  
  
"Because you would _enjoy_ that too much, silly," Malik said, grinning.  
  
"WAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
Yami blinked as a quivering mass of white hair and frilly pink apron landed next to him on the couch. "Bakura?" he asked of the heap.  
  
"Hey, didn't I just see you get kidnapped by a girl wearing orange?" Marik asked.  
  
"No, stupid, that was someone else!" Malik said, smacking his seme with a magically appearing ice cream scoop.  
  
Bakura stared at them. "You two..."  
  
"..."  
  
"YOU MUST KNOW THE WHERABOUTS OF MY RYOU-CHAN!"  
  
"Well, err... no, we don't, but..."  
  
"WHY NOT?! You said you had seen a guy who looked like me getting kidnapped!"  
  
"Well, gee, it's not like we followed the guy home!"  
  
"AND WHY DIDN'T YOU?!"  
  
"We were—" Marik began, but was stopped when Malik clamped a hand over his mouth.  
"—busy," Malik finished.  
  
"Well, yes, I'll admit that we were _very_ busy..." Marik said, licking his lips.  
  
Yami sweat-dropped.  
  
"It's settled, then! You shall show me where you saw my Ryou-chan, and then, using my posh and uber-cool detective skills, I shall find my lovely Ryou!"  
  
"Ehh... sure. I suppose there's some chocolate left."  
  
Yami watched as Bakura left, followed by two blonde Egyptians with stupid grins on their faces. "There is truly no sanity left in this world," Yami uttered profoundly into the silence.  
  
"Hello, Yami!" Yuugi chirped, a towel around his shoulders and hair still wet from his shower.  
  
"Hello, Yuugi!"  
  
Yuugi plopped down on the couch next to Yami, resting his head on the man's shoulder. "I love you, Yami!"  
  
Yami blinked. "I... I love you too, Yuugi..."  
  
"Of course you do! The whole world knows that, silly!" Yuugi giggled at Yami's confused expression. "You're so cute, Yami!"  
  
"When I started this job, I was told that I would get to be seme..."  
  
"Really? Me, too!" Yuugi grinned at Yami.  
  
Yami shook a fist at the sky, causing Yuugi to blink at him.  
  
"You know what, Yami? We can both be seme!"  
  
Yami gave the amethyst-eyed boy an exasperated look.  
  
"It would work! I know it would!" Yuugi said, giving him a pleading look.  
  
Yami sighed. "We're still shounen-ai, so seme and uke don't even matter..."  
  
Yuugi sighed sadly, nodding in agreement. "Shounen-ai sucks, ne?"  
  
"Hai... but I'm still the seme!" Yami said quickly, attacking Yuugi with a salvo of tickles.  
  
"He-eeey! That's no faaaaaair!"  
  
AN: Tee-hee... I'm sooo sleepy... and I sprained my ankle today... I fell off the bus and my ankle sorta... crumpled. It wasn't a nice feeling... but I still managed to type a chapter! Yesh! Applaud for me, adoring fans, for I have prevailed! ...or you could just review. I like reviews, you know. 


	7. Chapter the Seventh!

Potholes in Tokyo II  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
AN: Hao is a pretty mushroom!  
  
"Now, where did you last see my Ryou-chan?" Bakura asked.  
  
"On the trampoline!" Malik said joyfully, as if he was remembering all the things that had happened on the trampoline. "...hey, where'd it go?"  
  
"That doesn't matter! Which way did Ryou and the orange-suit girl go?"  
  
"Thattaway!" Malik pointed. "Or... or maybe this way! Aw, forget it, I don't remember," Malik muttered, flopping down on the sidewalk.  
  
"HOW COULD YOU FORGET, YOU BAKA ICE CREAM SALESWOMAN?!"  
  
"I'm not a saleswoman, kitchen wench!" Malik growled, jumping up.  
  
"Now, now, children," Marik said, standing in between the two. "Fighting is not nice. You should both apologize!"  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'm sorry for calling a saleswoman... even though you are one."  
  
Marik 'ahem'ed at him. "Aw, shut it. I'm not taking orders from a fruity man who makes his living wearing a dinosaur suit."  
  
Marik's lip trembled; he looked as if he was about to cry. "Aww, Marik-seme, Bakura didn't mean it. He's just distressed."  
  
"Well, thanks for all your help, you utterly useless dumb blondes! Now I must go forth and rescue my lovely Ryou-chan from this orange-garbed fiend!"  
  
"Pfft. And he calls _me_ a fruit."  
  
*~*  
  
"Tee-hee. Umm... Sasuke!" Miho giggled, face flushed.  
  
"Ehh... blue boxers, maybe?" Ryou said.  
  
"I say he goes commando—EVERY DAY!"  
  
Ryou 'ahemmed', sipping on his sake-laced tea. "What about...Sessho- maru?!"  
  
"He doesn't wear underwear, silly!" Miho said, giggling as she undoubtedly imagined poor Sesshy-chan.  
  
Ryou 'eeped'. "You know, I think you've had a little too much sake..."  
  
"I have another one!" Miho declared. "What kind of underwear does _Ryou_ have?"  
  
Ryou fainted.  
  
*~*  
  
"Ah! THIS MUST BE THE RIGHT ABANDONED WAREHOUSE!" Bakura yelled, kicking the door open violently. Apparently he was wrong, though...  
  
"How'd you two get here before I did?" Bakura asked, tilting his head at the two blonde Egyptians sprawled on the floor.  
  
"Marik is a _magic_ dinosaur," Malik muttered suggestively.  
  
"Uhh... I... think I'll keep looking for Ryou!" Bakura said quickly, slamming the door shut. "Whew... those two don't _ever_ stop!"  
  
Bakura kicked open the next door, to find a drunken girl wearing orange and an unconscious Ryou. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY RYOU, YOU FIEND?!" Bakura bellowed in Miho's ear.  
  
"Who are you?" she asked, not seeming to notice that he'd just yelled loudly into her ears.  
  
"I AM THE GREAT BAKURA! YOU BOW BEFORE ME, PITIFUL MORTAL WHO DARES TO TRY AND TAKE MY RYOU-CHAN AWAY FROM ME!"  
  
"Oh, so you're Bakura..." Miho muttered, gazing drunkenly at the albino-type person. "Ryou talks about you a lot..."  
  
"Of course he does, you silly girl! He loves me!"  
  
Miho shook her head. "No... it's just that my dear Ryou-chan has always been involved in charity, you see..."  
  
"O_o"  
  
"...but really, Ryou-chan loves me. After all, I have a better figure than you do."  
  
"You be trippin', shotty! I'm dead sexay!"  
  
"You're one of those gay ghetto freaks, aren't you?"  
  
"I'm ignoring you..."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you're stupider than me!"  
  
"Tee-hee, you're not ignoring me anymore!"  
  
Bakura sweat-dropped. "I'm saving Ryou now." He plucked Ryou from the ground. "And remember, if you don't get help here, please... get help somewhere!"  
  
"You're a fruit cup!"  
  
"Hn! Well, in that case, you're not invited to our wedding!" Bakura stomped away, nose snobbishly in the air. He tripped over the doorframe.  
  
"MAY AM'MIT EAT YOUR SOUL, YOU FIEND!"  
  
Several old people hobbling along the sidewalk beside him raised their eyebrows at him.  
  
"What you looking at, grandma?"  
  
"A juvenile delinquent," the grandma shot back, brandishing her cane in the air.  
  
"Oh, well that's understandable. Chastise him for me if you see him." Bakura strolled merrily down the street, Ryou in his arms. "Sailor suit, sailor suit, riceball alien in a sailor suuuuuit!"  
  
*~*  
  
"Whew!" Bakura said as he dropped the still unconscious Ryou on the living room couch.  
  
"I see you saved your Ryou," Yami muttered nonchalantly. At this, Bakura nodded happily. "Then go fix me some food!"  
  
Bakura stared balefully at Yami. "I just got back!"  
  
"So? I _pay_ you to cook stuff for me at any time of the day or night."  
  
"...really? I thought you paid me because you liked watching me run around in frilly pink aprons."  
  
"Well, those are a nice touch. After all, they make my Yuugi- chan giggle in a cute way."  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll cook for you. But you're paying for the wedding!"  
  
Yami stared open-mouthed at Bakura as he stalked into the kitchen. He groaned. "I think I'm about to be broke..."  
  
"Ryou!" Yuugi squealed happily. "Look Yami, Ryou's back..."  
  
"I hadn't noticed," Yami muttered, smacking on some bubble gum.  
  
"You're silly, Yami."  
  
Yami blew a big pink bubble. "You shouldn't do that, Yami."  
  
"Why not?" Yami asked thickly. With a pop, the huge bubble exploded on Yami's face.  
  
"That's why!" Yuugi said, grinning.  
  
"Ha ha," Yami said tonelessly. "I'm sure this is all very funny to you... but it's not to me!" He wandered into a bathroom, presumably to peel the sticky pink stuff off his face.  
  
"...Baku-chan?" Ryou asked quietly.  
  
"My lovely Ryou-chan is awake!" Bakura yelled from in the kitchen, bustling into the living room. "How are you, Ryou?"  
  
"I am..." Ryou paused, as if trying to figure out just how he felt. "...blehh."  
  
"Blehh? Oh, dear... I had hoped you'd be happy to see me..."  
  
"Oh, of course I'm happy to see you!" Ryou said in his sweet voice, chocolate eyes filling with happiness. "Anything is better than seeing Miho, after all!"  
  
"Orange girl?" Bakura asked. Ryou nodded. "Yeah. She's really scary."  
  
"So, Baku-chan... let's plan the wedding, shall we?"  
  
Bakura smirked. "Of course, itooshi..."  
  
"So, what do you want—chicken or fish?" Ryou asked.  
  
"Whichever one is the most expensive. After all, Yami is paying."  
  
"Steak it is!" Ryou circled the choice with a magic sharpie.  
  
"Hey, uhh... Ryou?" Yuugi asked.  
  
"What is it, Yuugi-chan?" Ryou smiled sweetly at the boy.  
  
"Erm... I was wondering, what are you wearing to the wedding?"  
  
Ryou clapped a hand to his mouth. "Eep!" he squeaked. "I was so busy being kidnapped that I forgot all about buying something! ...Yuugi, would you like to come shopping with me?"  
  
Yuugi sweat-dropped.  
  
AN: Mou. I have to go to bed... so I can't say much. Just be glad I finally finished the chappy. 


	8. Chapter the Eighth!

Potholes in Tokyo II  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
AN: To the person who said something... how can you read the first seven chapters and not know that this story has hardly any plot at all?! cough Ahem. But since I can't tell if that was supposed to be a flame or not, I digress. But either way, the point in my writing this story isn't to give you deep, psychological meaning. It's just not like that. I write potholes because it makes me happy, and it makes other people happy. Enough said.  
  
"Yat-ta, yat-ta!" Ryou sang softly, flicking through the clothes on the rack. Yuugi stared at him from his chair, as if trying to bore holes in the back of his head.  
  
"Ohayooooooooo!"  
  
Yuugi rolled his eyes. "Hey, Ryou...?"  
  
"What is it, Yuugi?" Ryou said, turning to the little boy with a bright smile.  
  
"I don't think you're going to find wedding attire at Wal-mart..."  
  
"Oh," Ryou murmured, looking crestfallen. "Then where could I find something appropriate?"  
  
"Err... a wedding store?" Yuugi suggested uncertainly.  
  
"Well, where is one?" Ryou asked, plopping down beside Yuugi.  
  
"Hmmm... it depends on what you're going to wear, I guess..."  
  
"What do you mean?" Ryou asked, resting his chin on his hand and propping his elbow on the chair arm.  
  
"Well... are you going to wear a suit or a dress?"  
  
Ryou blushed crimson. "I-I don't know... I never thought about it, really..."  
  
"Oh. Well, then I guess it doesn't matter what you wear. You know, since Bakura's going to have it off of you as soon as the ceremony is over."  
  
Ryou's face was beet red. "What happened to the naïve little Yuugi I used to know?"  
  
Yuugi paused for a moment, thinking. "...I'm pretty sure he took an extended coffee break... yeah, I think so."  
  
"Well then, Mr. Naughty Pants, when are you going to hook up with Yami?"  
  
It was Yuugi's turn to blush.

Meanwhile, Bakura was busy filling out invitations to the wedding. A begrudging Yami was sealing the envelopes for him while commenting on his guest list.  
  
"Bakura... there's nobody on your guest list..." Yami said, staring at the piece of paper.  
  
"So?"  
  
"Aren't you inviting anyone to your wedding?" Yami squawked in dismay.  
  
"Why should I?" Bakura asked, staring at Yami.  
  
"Pfft. Just because you don't have any friends doesn't mean you can't invite Ryou's friends," Yami muttered.  
  
"Fine. You can come if you want to so badly."  
  
"I don't want to come, stupid chef. I'm only coming because of Yuugi."  
  
"Well, we all knew that," Bakura muttered suggestively, but Yami only gave him a confused look. Bakura sighed.  
  
Yami coughed. "Anyway... who's going to be your Best Man?"  
  
"Ryou's my best man!"  
  
--;; "Ryou is your fiancée. Your Best Man is usually your best friend..."  
  
"Ryou's my best friend. I don't like anybody else."  
  
"...you're so hopeless, Bakura. Won't it be odd that Ryou has a Maid of Honor and you don't have a Best Man?"  
  
"Ry-chan has a Maid of Honor?" Bakura asked, confused. "Who?"  
  
"SETO KAIBAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Bakura wailed.  
  
"Yesh! Yesh!" Yami yelled victoriously.  
  
Bakura's shoulders shook. "Well, all right... I suppose you can be Best Man... as long as you can keep Seto Kaiba away from my Ryou-chan!"  
  
"All right!" Yami said, writing down the names of some random people he had decided to invite to Bakura's and Ryou's wedding.  
  
"Who is O-to-gi?" Bakura asked, peering over Yami's shoulder at the piece of paper he was scrawling on.  
  
"Erm...do you remember that guy with religious pamphlets?"  
  
-- "Those were yummy religious pamphlets..."  
  
"You're a fruitcake."  
  
"Well, you're a stupid Pharoah," Bakura retorted.  
  
--;; "That. Was .Lame." After much searching, Yuugi and Ryou had ended up in front of a shop with pretty dresses hanging in the window.  
  
"This looks like a strange place..." Ryou mumbled, staring at his feet.  
  
"You and Bakura will never get married if you keep stalling like this!" Yuugi said. "And that would make the readers angry!"  
  
Ryou considered this. "You're right, Yuugi-chan. I must find some pretty clothes so that I may be wed!"  
  
Yuugi stared as the newly made Wedding-monster charged through the door of the shop. "Pretty clothes, pretty clothes..." Ryou flipped through the rack of clothes with lightning-speed movement. "How about this one, Yuugi?" Ryou asked, bringing a lacy, silky garment from the rack.  
  
"I think that's lingerie..."  
  
"Hmm... I'll buy it anyway; I might need it later. Now, back to looking for a wedding dress..."  
  
"Do you need any help, miss?" a saleslady asked, watching as Ryou tried to find some suitable clothing.  
  
"Oh... erm... well, that is... I was looking for a wedding dress..." Ryou murmured, blushing cutely.  
  
"And who's your little friend over there?" the girl asked, gesturing to Yuugi.  
  
"...the ringbearer..."  
  
"I'm not little!"  
  
"Oh, of course not!" the girl said happily, patting the top of Yuugi's rather pointy hair. "But just remember, it's not size that counts—it's what you do with it!"  
  
Yuugi gagged, covering his mouth and leaning against the wall for support.  
  
"Now, let's see what we can find for you," the girl studied Ryou closely. "Ah, I think I can find something!" The salesgirl wandered into a back room.  
  
"Blehh, I'm dead," Yuugi muttered, sliding down the wall in a dead faint.  
  
"Yuugi?" Ryou asked, nudging the boy with his shoe. Ryou shrugged.  
  
"Oh, I think this will just look great on you!" the girl yelled. "Here, go and try it on!" She practically threw the white bundle of cloth at Ryou.  
  
"Eep!" Ryou squeaked, barely catching the dress. He wandered off in the direction he supposed was the dressing room. "All right. Now comes the BIG question..." Yami said, pausing in order to build tension.  
  
"Aww, quit being so melodramatic," Bakura grumbled, chucking a pineapple at Yami's head.  
  
"Will we allow Anzu to come?"  
  
Bakura laughed maniacally. "Of course we shall! After all, then I can rub it in her face when I get married before her! Ku ku ku ku ku ku!"  
  
Yami sweat-dropped, shaking his head at the mental kitchen wench. Just then, the doorbell rang.  
  
"Go and see who's at the door, slave!" he yelled commandingly to Bakura.  
  
"Do it yourself, stupid Pharaoh!" Bakura shot back, ignoring the now urgent tones of the doorbell.  
  
Yami sighed, but didn't bother asking Anzu to answer the door—he could guess from her recent actions that she was busy. So, he got up to greet the people at the door. He was met by a red-faced Ryou who had one arm wrapped around Yuugi as if to support the boy, while the other arm was laden with bags.  
  
Yami blinked, puzzled. "What happened?"  
  
Ryou tossed his many bags to the floor, moving into the house with Yuugi attached to his waist. "Yuugi fell down the escalator when we were at the mall... his ankle is sprained."  
  
"Yuugi!" Yami cried, immediately picking the boy up and cradling him in his arms. "Oh, you poor thing! I must take care of youuuuuuuuuu!"  
  
"It doesn't hurt that much, Yami. It's only a little swollen..." Yuugi mumbled, blushing as Yami fussed over him like a mama cat. "...of course, I can't be ring bearer in Ryou's wedding... I'm sorry..."  
  
Ryou waved it away. "It'll be fine. You need to concentrate on getting better anyway. So, Baku-chan, did you and Yami manage to fill out invitations?"  
  
"Of course I did, itooshi! I'm a good fiancé!"  
  
Ryou giggled, giving Bakura a hug.  
  
"So, can I see what you're wearing to the wedding?" Bakura asked, giving Ryou the puppy dog eyes.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?" Bakura asked, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
"It's bad luck, silly. Now, I have to see if I can get a replacement for Yuugi..." Ryou mumbled, picking up his bag and traveling upstairs with it. "Hello."  
  
"Hello. Is that you, Seto-san?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Great!" Ryou exclaimed, twirling the phone cord with his fingers. "You see, I have a little problem..."  
  
"I'm sorry, Ryou, but I'm not going to convince the Prime Minister to tap dance for you. I have a reputation to consider, you know."  
  
Ryou giggled. "No, it's nothing like that. It's just that Yuugi sprained his ankle and now I need a new ring bearer..."  
  
"Mokuba said he wanted to be ring bearer..."  
  
"That's good, then... but then I'd need a new flower girl, wouldn't I?"  
  
Seto grinned. "I'm sure Noa wouldn't mind being the flower girl. In fact, I think he'd enjoy it."  
  
"Oh, really? ...I never would have guessed! Well, I guess everything's O.K. then."  
  
"I'll see you at the wedding, then," Seto said, hanging up. He immediately began laughing maniacally. "Gwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
  
"What is it, big brother?" Mokuba asked.  
  
"You get to be ring bearer in Ryou's wedding."  
  
"Really! Sugoi! I don't have to wear a dress!"  
  
"You're a fruitcake, Mokuba. And you too, Seto!" Noa said as he emerged from the elevator, carrying a bundle of manila folders.  
  
"So? You're the one going trans!"  
  
"What?!" Noa exclaimed angrily. "What's going on, Seto?!"  
  
"Gwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
  
Noa glared. "...I hate you, Seto."  
  
AN: Yay! I finally updated! This is cause for celebration! Unfortunately, I have exams next week and then I'm leaving on Sunday for vacation... so I dunno when I'll get the next chapter up. Gomen ne! -- 


	9. Chapter the Ninth!

Potholes in Tokyo II  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
AN: Not much to say except... NO MORE SCHOOL! ...Until August 2, at least. I grumble.

Noa studied himself in the mirror. He pouted. "Waaaaaah! Why do I have to wear a dress?!" He stamped his feet, but no one seemed to notice. Everyone else was occupied with finishing the last-minute wedding preparations.  
  
Well, everyone else except Mokuba, who had contented himself with pointing and laughing at Noa.  
  
The mint-haired boy was trying very hard to ignore Mokuba's taunts. He glared at his reflection. "Oh, that's it! SETO, I'M GOING TO SUE YOU!" Noa shrieked, stomping off.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Mokuba laughed.  
  
"Hey, Mokuba!" someone called. Mokie spun around.  
  
"R-Ryou?" Mokuba stuttered, stars in his eyes. "Wow... you look like a pretty woman!"  
  
Ryou smiled sweetly and Roy Orbison music began playing in the background. Mokuba sweat-dropped. "Ahem. Excuse me," Ryou said softly, before walking offscreen. There was a loud 'bang'.  
  
"Now, as I was saying... do you know where Noa is?"  
  
"He stomped off a little while ago... I think he got mad because I was making fun of him..."  
  
"Well, if you see him, tell him he needs to meet with the bridesmaids..."  
  
Mokuba looked puzzled. "Why?"  
  
"FOR PICTUUUUUUUUURES!" someone yelled. A startled Mokuba saw a frightening man before him.  
  
AHHHHHHHHH!" Mokuba yelled, running away as fast as he could.  
  
"Who are you?" Ryou asked, surveying the man, who had freakishly green eyeballs and dice earrings.  
"I am your fahjah!"  
  
"Really?" Ryou asked, eyes lighting up. "You... look different. Being lost in the desert for five years certainly has changed you, ne? But you came back just in time! Now you can walk me down the aisle!"  
  
"Aisle...? Are we in a supermarket?"  
  
"No, silly! I'm getting married today!"  
  
"Married?! My little boy's leaving me..." Otogi said, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Hey... why are you wearing a dress?"  
  
"Because I'm the uke."  
  
"What? My little boy has been tainteeeeeeeeeeed..."  
  
"Well, we all assume I'll be the uke, anyway," Ryou mumbled, turning red.  
  
"Aww! You're so cute!" Otogi said, latching onto Ryou's middle.  
  
"Uhh..." Ryou said, staring down at the mass of black hair. "A moose!"  
  
"Huh? Where?" Otogi asked, immediately going off to find the moose.  
  
"...Wow."

* * *

"I don't want to wear a suit."  
  
"Well, that's mighty selfish of you," Yami said offhandedly, filing his nails.  
  
Bakura stared at himself in the mirror, smoothing the wrinkles from his jacket. "But I look like a butler..."  
  
"SPACEBUTLER! NOOOOOOOO!" Yuugi wailed, covering his eyes.  
  
Bakura sweat-dropped. "You're loonier than I am. And that's saying something, kid."  
  
Yuugi peeked out at Bakura from behind his fingers. "ALL YOUR BASE ARE MINE!"  
  
"This kid needs medication."  
  
"Don't make fun of my Yuugi-chan," Yami said, glaring at Bakura as he possessively clung to Yuugi.  
  
Suddenly and like a bolt from the blue, Bakura giggled.  
  
Yami gaped like a fish. A nice smelling, good looking, leather wearing fish. Yuugi, however, was too busy staring at the interesting ceiling to gape.  
  
"I get to marry Ryou! Dum-de-dum!"  
  
"Preeeeeeeeetty ceiling..."  
  
"Ryou-chan shall be with me always! ...I love my Ryou-chan..." Bakura murmured, sighing like a lovesick school girl.  
  
The door opened, and in stepped one Kaiba Seto, who had retained some of his dignity by wearing a pointy trenchcoat over his Maid of Honor dress.  
  
"SETO KAIBAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
"Idiot," Seto muttered.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Yami asked.  
  
Seto coughed. "It's starting in a few minutes. You should get to that place where you have the wedding ceremonies..."  
  
"Oh! All right!" Bakura said, giving Seto a big smile. "Tee-hee, I'm marrying Ryou and you're not! Ha ha!"  
  
Seto blinked at him.  
  
"Gwa ha ha ha!" Bakura laughed maniacally as he walked out the door and into the hallway, followed by Seto and Yami (who was carrying Yuugi).  
  
"...And the idiot rushes into something he has no hope of overcoming..."

* * *

"Oh, there you are, Noa!" Ryou squeaked, rushing over to the boy in the mint dress.  
  
"...Who are you?" Noa asked, staring dumbly at Ryou.  
  
Ryou sweat-dropped.  
  
"Well, whoever you are, you're a total babe," Noa said, turning to look out the window as crimson painted his cheeks.  
  
"Noa, I'm Ryou."  
  
Noa gagged. "Kami save me! Hanging out with all these gay people is turning me gay too!"  
  
Ryou ignored the boy's retching into a poor random potted plant and his earlier comments. "But I'm glad you think I'm pretty. It's too bad for you that I'm marrying Bakura, ne?" Ryou smiled brightly at him.  
  
Noa just gaped at him.  
  
"Now c'mon, you need to get ready!" Ryou said enthusiastically, grabbing Noa's arm and dragging him through the hall.

* * *

"Why are all these weird people here, Yami?" Yuugi asked. The ceremony hadn't started yet, and he was sprawled across two chairs, head resting in Yami's lap.  
  
"Err... I have no idea. I certainly didn't invite them..." Yami stared at the mass abundance of black-haired men wearing funny white suits and carrying guitars. "And I doubt Bakura invited them..."  
  
"They all look like that American guy who died a looooooooong time ago... you know, the guy they talked about in Lilo and Stitch?"  
  
Yami sweat-dropped. "Elvis?"  
  
"...I would hate to be named Elvis. Don't you imagine he got teased a lot? I mean, his name is really funny and then he has those funky sideburns and..."  
  
Yuugi was distracted by the arrival of more people. "Hey, isn't that the pumpkin farmer?"  
  
Yami stared over at Jounouchi Katsuya, who was flanked by his girlfriend Mai and his cousin, Honda.  
  
"Maa! My love!" Otogi squealed, immediately latching onto Honda.  
  
"Ahhhhhh!" Honda yelled. "I remember you! You were that weird guy at the hospital who was obsessed with chips and '80's pop music!"  
  
"Eh?" Otogi asked, looking up at Honda. "Something wrong, darling?"  
  
"Bah!" Honda yelled, wrenching Otogi off his arm and going off in search of a place where Otogi couldn't follow him.  
  
"Eww... it's an apricot and a pizza boy," Otogi muttered as Anzu and a confused Uncle Ingrid Jr. walked by.  
  
"I still don't know what gay weddings have to do with the pizza business, apricot woman..." Ingrid muttered.  
  
"Shut up. Just watch this!" Anzu snapped.  
  
"But I don't wanna... I want to go and make burnt pizzas for the people who got put on hold by Pizza Hut... Why'd you drag me here anyway?"  
  
"I would look stupid going unescorted to a wedding!"  
  
"Well, erm... you look stupid now, too."  
  
Anzu gasped, gaping at the brunette pizza boy.  
  
"Fine! I'm leaving!" Anzu shouted in his ear, hopping from her seat and stalking off to the powder room.  
  
Ingrid winced. "Mou... I'm going deaf..."  
  
"Yami, where are you going?" Yuugi asked, watching as Yami stood up. He walked to a podium in the center of the room, selecting a bottle of mineral water from a large cooler and taking a draught of it.  
  
"It looks like almost everybody's here, so I might as well start this thing!" Yami said. "Hey, you people! Welcome to the stupid chef's wedding. I hope you enjoy your stay. Thank you."  
  
Yami went back to sit with Yuugi.  
  
"...that was rather anticlimactic, don't you think?" Yuugi asked.  
  
"Don't use big words!"  
  
Yuugi huffed. "But still, you didn't need so much preparation for a thirty-one word speech, did you? And what's with the mineral water?"  
  
Yami sighed. "It's a long story that dates back to the dawn of time..."  
  
"Hm. Oh, look! Bakura's finally decided to show up! ...don't you think he looks schnazzy in his funky tuxedo?"  
  
Yami rolled his eyes. "Weirdo." Yuugi glared. "But I love you anyway," Yami said, ruffling the boy's hair.  
  
Yuugi grinned. "So it's only a matter of time before Ryou shows up and makes Bakura have a nosebleeding fit..."  
  
"What do you know that I don't know, little Yuugi?" Yami asked.  
  
Yuugi grinned. "You'll see, Yami... and so will everyone else!" Yuugi grinned like a maniac.  
  
"...you're scaring me, Yuugi."  
  
AN: Maa! Please excuse me if there are any more errors than normal! I'm just trying to get the chapter up before I go on vacation tomorrow and I'm really tired! So please read and review, people!


	10. Chapter the Tenth!

Potholes in Tokyo II  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
AN: last chappy! I cry for youuuu, Potholes II! Oh yeah, and special thanks goes to Evil Chibi Malik for helping me with this chapter! Praise be to ECM!  
  
Oh, and... I haven't been to a wedding in ages, so this is largely coming from off the top of my head.  
  
"Mou! I'm so happy!" Bakura cried, wiping a tear from his eye.  
  
"You are a strange little man..." Random Extra Man muttered.  
  
"Well... you're a PUUCHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Bakura yelled, swatting him away.  
  
"Augh! MY PANCREAS!" Random Extra Man doubled over in pain.  
  
"Gwahahahah! Take that, evil Puuchuu fiend!"  
  
"Augh! My nosebleed is oozing!"  
  
"Huh? What?" Bakura looked up. All the minor players in the wedding were already assembled. "Oh, hello," Bakura muttered sheepishly, waving at the procession.  
  
"Get on with it!"  
  
"Pfft."  
  
Funny music sounded from a random place, and a door banged open. Everyone's eyes snapped to the door, only to see a sheepish Malik and Marik shuffling into The Room (dun dun dun!). "Sorry we're late, we were a little busy this morning," Malik muttered to random people as the navigated the aisles to find their seats.  
  
Yami rolled his eyes. Yuugi didn't notice, since he was turned around in his seat, craning his neck in an attempt to be the first to see Ryou enter. "Maa, where's Ryou?"  
  
"I'm sure he'll be here soon enough..." Yami murmured, glancing at the back of Yuugi's head. "And there's no point in injuring your neck like that; I'm sure everyone will know when he gets here."  
  
"I suppose..."  
  
"Hell's bells and buckets of blood!" Bakura yelled. "Ryou, you're gorgeous!"  
  
Ryou gave Bakura a brilliant smile as he stepped into the room, wearing a white wedding dress that had random pieces of transparent pink fabric on his arms and the top of his chest. "You really think so?"  
  
Bakura nodded happily, not paying any attention to his nosebleed.  
  
"Wow! Holy macaroni, she's sexy!" Uncle Ingrid said.  
  
"That's a boy!" Anzu shrieked, smacking him with her overly heavy brick-filled purse.  
  
"Oh. My. Ra." Malik and Marik chanted, blood trickling from both their noses. "Oh. My. Ra!"  
  
"Yep, that's my son," Otogi told all the people who were coherent enough to hear his voice over their overactive hormones.  
  
Someone offstage coughed, bringing a few people back to their senses.  
  
"Right! Well, come on itooshi, let's get married!" Bakura said, running down the aisle to his koi. He smiled, linking their arms. The two began walking down the aisle.  
  
"Hey, hold up a second! That's my job!" Otogi yelled, stumbling from his seat and next to Bakura and Ryou. A spat ensued.  
  
"No it isn't! The father walks the bride-type person down the aisle! And Ryou-chan's daddy is lost like a chicken in Egypt!" Bakura said, tugging Ryou closer to him.  
  
"I am Ryou's father!" Otogi yelled, grasping Ryou's other arm.  
  
"No you're not; you're the religious pamphlet guy!"  
  
"Who says?" Otogi sneered.  
  
"I do!" Bakura shouted.  
  
"Oh... well, that makes sense."  
  
"Yesh, it does!  
  
Ryou sweat-dropped as he became involved in a game of tug-of-war.  
  
"But I'm still Ryou's father!"  
  
"No you're not!"  
  
"Yes I am!"  
  
Yami cleared his throat. Nobody took notice of him. He coughed loudly into a megaphone, and still no one heeded him. He was thwarted once again when he experimented with marching around the room, banging large woks together.  
  
He growled, stomping to the back of the room. He yanked Honda from his seat, dragging him to the middle of the aisle. He then tied Honda to a seat and grabbed Otogi's ear.  
  
"Owowowowow!"  
  
"BEHOLD! A HONDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Yami bellowed.  
  
Otogi gasped and began shrieking like a teenage girl. "A Honda, oh Kami-sama, it's a Honda!" Otogi fell to his knees at Honda's side, and immediately began petting him like a favorite pet. "Goooooood Honda..."  
  
"Proceed," Yami said, turning his gaze to Bakura and the sweat- dropping Ryou.  
  
Bakura nodded and the two continued to the front of the room. "Hey..." Bakura began thoughtfully, "Does this place even allow gay marriages?"  
  
"I honestly don't think anyone would guess we were gay," Ryou whispered into Bakura's ear. "I mean, I look very effeminate at the moment..."  
  
"Oh, O.K.! Well I guess we're here, eh?" Bakura said, finally letting go of Ryou's arm.  
  
Ryou grinned. "Mou, itooshi..."  
  
"Ahem!" the person who marries people said, breaking up the BxR fluffy moment. Person Who Marries People had just dropped about a million points in popularity, by the way.  
  
"Well, err... who has the rings? Yes, you with the unnaturally long hair for a male! Hurry up!"  
  
Mokuba skipped up the stairs, flashing the two a smile as he gave the rings. He then jumped back to his place next to Noa, who he nudged annoyingly in the ribs.  
  
"Right! Now, you! The taller one... do you take... your twin-type person to be your spouse-type person!"  
  
"Yesh!" Bakura yelled happily, flashing the peace sign.  
  
"All right, shorter one! Erm... same question as before!"  
  
"Hai!" Ryou said, blushing.  
  
"Yeah, yeah... put the rings on and then kiss each other..."  
  
"Yay!" Bakura yelled happily as he slipped the ring onto Ryou's finger, pressing a soft kiss to Ryou's lips.  
  
(Collective 'Awwwwwwww' from audience.)  
  
Ryou blushed crimson, slipping the ring onto Bakura's finger and standing on tiptoe to kiss Bakura's cheek.  
  
(More 'Awwwwwwww's from audience.)  
  
"Yay! I'm married to Ryou!" Bakura yelled, tossing confetti into the air. Balloons dropped from the ceiling as he began a happy dance. "Gwa ha ha! And not even Seto Kaiba can take Ryou-koibito away from me now!" Bakura grinned triumphantly.  
  
"Wow..." Yuugi murmured, staring at the dancing Bakura.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Yami cackled, rabidly snapping pictures of the dancing chef.  
  
"Hondaaaaaaaaa-kun..." Otogi whispered into the boy's ear in what was probably meant to be a seductive manner.  
  
Honda whimpered, attempting to untie himself from the chair. After a few minutes of trying, he managed to free himself, and took off like a shot. The door banged shut after Honda.  
  
Otogi stared at the door, tears in his eyes. "DOUSHITE, HONDA? DOUSHITEEEEEEEE?" He raced after Honda.  
  
"Hmm... I suppose that means it's time for reception..." Yuugi murmured.  
  
"All right! Any toasts for the lovely couple?"  
  
Otogi raised his hand, wine glass shaking between his fingers. "Well, err... be happy together forever!" Several people clapped before he was able to continue. "And... err... If you love it, lube it!"  
  
Ryou and Bakura were sitting on a hotel bed, going through their numerous wedding presents. "Yay! A toaster!" Bakura said tonelessly, before tossing it onto a pile of about a hundred other toasters.  
  
"Well, this one's a spatula..." Ryou said. "And some stress pills... and... eek! Yaoi doujinshi of us!" The book fell from Ryou's trembling hands, landing with a thump on the floor.  
  
Ryou blushed, picking up another parcel as Bakura nudged the yaoi doujin with his foot so that it slid under the bed. "Hey... plushies!" Ryou huggled the Dorobo-Baku plushie to his chest, squealing. "It's sooo cute! It's sooo cute!"  
  
"Look, Ryou, it's a plushie of you!" Bakura said, staring at it with interest. "Of course, I really don't have to settle for just a plushie anymore, do I?" He asked, smirking as he pulled Ryou to his chest.  
  
"Well, you're prettier than Dorobo Bakura any day..."  
  
"Of course I am, silly..." Bakura purred. "You know, I really like this dress... but I'd like it even more if it was crumpled on the floor..."  
  
"AHHHHHH!" a random FCC official screamed. "MUST CENSOR, MUST CENSOR!"  
  
The screen goes black.  
  
A few moments later, Otogi appears on screen, cradling a struggling Honda to his chest.  
  
"POTHOLES!" Otogi bellows.  
  
AN: Yay! Erm... I suppose that wasn't the greatest ending, ne? Oh well. I'm assuming you people won't stop worshipping me because of a little thing like that... I could be wrong, though. Mou.  
  
Well, it's been great writing this fic! I hope all of you will continue to brighten my day with your reviews! grin  
  
Ja!  
  
6-01-04 


End file.
